Here’s what we desperately want Dolly Parton to bring to Kennywood (2025)

Pittsburgh was absolutely shook by the news that the co-owner of Dolly Parton’s Dollywood theme park bought beloved local mainstay Kennywood in March for a presumed $500 million. While Herschend also owns the Newport Aquarium and the Harlem Globetrotters, we at Pittsburgh City Paper immediately began to think pink: what could Parton — country legend, American icon, literacy champion — do to get Kennywood visitors making joyful noise? Here’s what we think Parton should bring from Pigeon Forge to Pittsburgh as we draw closer to some sweet summer lovin’.

Drag queen story hour

Many rich people prefer to spend their money on selfish and sometimes catastrophic pursuits like going to space or destroying democracy. Not Dolly Parton! Her Imagination Library program, which provides free books to kids from birth to 5 years old, started in Tennessee in honor of her illiterate father and now spans five countries, donating millions of books to young Anglophone readers.

Parton also once tweeted, “It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen” — and who better to host story hour in Kennywood’s brand-new, Barbie-pink Imagination Library than Pittsburgh’s most glamorous drag stars? If the rain interrupts your wait for the Phantom’s Revenge, you can always duck inside the library and curl up while Lydia B. Kollins reads Coat of Many Colors. Who says amusement parks can’t be educational? - Colin Williams

Vaccine clinic

Why not experience the thrill of Phantom’s Revenge followed by the thrill of inoculating yourself and your loved ones against entirely preventable diseases? Considering Dolly donated $1 million to Moderna back in 2020 to aid in advancing the COVID vaccine, and then went on to encourage everyone to “get out there and get your shot,” she’d likely support setting up a vaccine clinic right inside the park. Next to the Potato Patch, maybe? Since the lines are always so long, perhaps nurses could dole out shots while folks wait. Considering measles is on the rise, polio is likely close behind, and the Trump administration has kneecapped vaccine research, so let’s bring some pro-science immunization energy here as a fun little “fuck you” to RFK Jr. - Ali Trachta

Steel City Magnolias

A Steel Magnolias theme could be a fun way to bring more Dolly into Kennywood — perhaps aside from the sad death part.

My first suggestion is opening Truvy’s: The Chain as a relaxing spa stop for adults. For moms with young kids, a trip to Kennywood can be taxing. This ode to Truvy’s hair salon would be lovely for exhausted moms who need a little pampering. The catch? Big hairstyles only — no holes. Each cut, color, or style comes with a free glass of orange juice.

Or, Kennywood could open a new food stop with a Steel Magnolias theme. Let’s call it A Cuppa Cuppa Cup Kitchen. I, for one, would be tickled pink to bake the iconic dessert with a Kennywood chef: “A cup of flour, a cup of sugar, and a cup of fruit cocktail with the juice. Then mix and bake at 350 till golden and bubbly!” Because what the kids need for the best day ever at Kennywood is a big hot bowl of sugar topped with ice cream, “to cut the sweetness.” - Stacy Rounds

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CP Image: Jeff Schreckengost and Sam Shaffer

Kennywood's classic mascots superimposed in front of the Dollywood sign

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Jeeters’ 9 to 5 Pub

Dolly Parton has long been a working-class icon, a natural fit in Pittsburgh as a proud union town. But Kennywood recently brought another ’70s icon out of retirement, giant fluffy pink mascot Austin Jeeters. Kennywood previously told City Paper that Jeeters — who’s “shirtless” but wears yellow overalls and a tall green hat — returned to help head up the park’s newest pub because he fit “this whole idea of [a] Pittsburgh steel mill blue-collar little bar in the park.”

After temporarily taking over Kennywood and its social media, Jeeters is now back at the park full-time, and it seems like he could use a partner, or at least some inspiration, running his pub (maybe even better than the bosses, à la 9 to 5). He’s already big and pink, which seems Dolly-coded — could he get into some occasional rhinestones or bedazzled overalls? What’s under the big hat, anyway? (What if it's a bouffant?) What about Dolly’s music playing at Jeeters’ Pub? Maybe even some “9 to 5” line dancing? The affinities are endless. - Rachel Wilkinson

The Best Little Tater House in Pittsburgh

Pittsburgh has, for years, been singing “I will always love you” to Kennywood’s Potato Patch fries, the park’s one culinary staple that guests cannot pass up, even at the risk of horfing them back up on a shaky thrill ride. For Dolly’s Kennywood takeover, we keep the fries as-is, but change the stand’s name to something befitting country music’s queen.

Inspired by her 1982 film The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, in which she romances then-mega heartthrob Burt Reynolds, the Tater House would feature all the fried goodies Pittsburghers know and love — but with a few sassy twists. Diners could opt for a special edition cowboy-hat-shaped fry receptacle, à la Reynolds’ sheriff character in the film. Toppings could include Memphis barbecue sauce in honor of Dolly’s home state of Tennessee. The stand would also offer ranch-flavored chicken fries named after the Chicken Ranch brothel from the film, because, like Dolly, we love some winking, irreverent humor (and let’s be real, Pittsburgh loves ranch dressing). - Amanda Waltz

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CP Photo: Mars Johnson

A behind-the-scenes look at Kennywood for 2025

Haunted Hoedown/Happy Dollydays

Kennywood knows its way around a holiday festival, and that would continue under the guiding hand of Dolly. The Phantom Fall Fest has become a popular autumnal attraction in a spooky city like Pittsburgh, and the yearly event would get a little Dolly-inspired boost with a Haunted Hoedown attraction — we’re envisioning a barn-like venue filled with hay bales, dried corn stalks, and pink pumpkins (’cause our girl loves pink), where guests can catch live country music shows featuring local performers dressed as ghouls, goblins, and scarecrows. For some extra fun, local groups like 412 Step and Steel City Squares can host free introductory dance classes for guests who want to scoot, grapevine, or do-si-do before waiting in line for the next rollercoaster.

Once November rolls around, the park will become a wonderland boosted by Dolly’s apparent love of the winter holidays, as evidenced by her beautifully bittersweet song “Hard Candy Christmas” and her many Christmas specials. Happy Dollydays would include some down-home country goodness, such as carolers roaming the grounds singing her most festive songs. The singer/songwriter’s philanthropic nature would come through with Kennywood offering discounted tickets and other perks to guests donating toys, books, and winter clothing for local kids and families in need. - Amanda Waltz

Some good ol’ Appalachian love

Despite its being a historical landmark, modern-day Kennywood seems to have gotten rid of all its Rust Belt charm with the loss oficonic rides like the Logjammer, Gold Rusher, and the Turnpike, and is slowly starting to feel like any other random, small-town park.

Dollywood, on the other hand, is a love letter to southern Appalachia, including rides from original steam locomotives, housing a conservatory for local birds of prey, and hosting bluegrass concerts any time of the day. This is something I wish Kennywood would do — bring back its old Appalachian Charm! - Sam Schaffer